Being a single mom and also being a stay-at-home mom can be incredible difficult and overwhelming. It sounds like I hit the jackpot on this one and I got both! But it’s not bad. It is incredibly difficult and challenging, but it is not bad at all. I didn’t get lost in the postpartum depression, nor in the being a stay-at-home-mom loneliness.
Being the only parent on duty 24/7 can be tough and you can very easily put your needs on hold. I did that once! I put my needs on hold for a week and a half and I was miserable, so I figured that the only way to not feel this way is for you to do something about it!
1. I get dressed and ready EVERY MORNING!
Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes it takes half the day until me and my son leave the house to go somewhere, but I don’t ever let a day go by without me taking a morning shower, putting on nice clothes and put a little make-up on. Yes, it sometimes takes me an hour to just have a moment to brush my teeth, but once my son is fed, changed and dressed, he plays or hangs out around me while I do my thing.
It is important for me to look decent because it makes me feel good! I don’t like walking by the mirror and looking at my crazy hair and wearing pajamas that don’t match. That is just a no-no.
2. I still cook EVERY DAY!
There are some days (and those are VERY RARE thank God) that my son is just being fussy all day. Those days I might’ve skipped cooking lunch or dinner, but I never skip a whole day to cook! Sometimes I meal prep, so I have fruit and salads ready for breakfast, since I follow a certain diet. But I also cook lunch or dinner daily. My sister and her daughter live next door, so they usually join us for dinner. If my son is ready for a nap, I pause and put him to sleep, but he is usually around me in his stroller or playing on the floor. I go back and forth entertaining him shortly and then run back at it. I never said it wasn’t complicated, but that is not a reason for me not to do it! Plus, I have always loved cooking, and why stop now? Instead of stopping, I should cook even more and practice mastering my cooking skills for when he is ready to try my meals! Lets hope he likes them!
3. I have music on almost all day!
Music that I like! Yes, I still do listen to “wheels on the bus; the finger family; 5 little ducks” and all the other terrible songs, but I also do listen to music that I like while my son does his thing that doesn’t involve his addicting and slightly annoying songs. Being just the two of us, sometimes it can either get really quiet or at one moment I realize that ME, NOT HIM, is listening to some baby TV show, or his songs, without him even caring for it. So I turn that off and play what I like. Immediately boosts my mood and my son seems to enjoy my music as well.
4. I workout EVERY DAY!
And no, I don’t visit the gym every day. Obviously I can’t, not just every day but probably not for a very long time. But that doesn’t stop me from working out a few times in the day. My son finds it funny when I do my workouts by him. For some reason it makes him laugh while it makes me want to cry lol. I workout for 20-30 minutes in the morning after breakfast, afternoon and before bed.
My days are VERY busy, and I know that they are for every mom out there. Being a single mom is no joke. But that is not a reason for me to lose myself in it and not do the things I enjoy or want to do. If something is important to you, you make time for it, not excuses!
5. I work on my blog EVERY DAY!
Blogging is definitely a full-time job that I am SO much behind on and probably forever will be! But I do it every day! I squeeze in a few daily check-ups and reading emails here and there throughout the day that are a MUST, but I do my work at night once my baby is done for the day. He goes to bed between 8 pm and 9 pm and wakes up super early, which has been oh so difficult for me, since I used to sleep in every day, all day, for-e-ver (whenever I could 🙂 )! I’m talking about 5:30-6 and sometimes 7 am. He definitely gets that from his father, not me! The way I am, and probably by being a single parent as well, I devote myself and my time 100% to my kid! No phone, no message, no phone call or work comes before him. I can have my child crying and be 5 clicks away from a million dollars and still choose to go and calm him. And I am very serious about this. So that is why, after he is asleep, I spend 3-4 hours working and then go to bed. I just do what needs to be done!
“Doing what you love is HAPPINESS, loving what you do is FREEDOM“
6. We go out for a couple walks a day that include coffee at my favorite coffee shop!
Carter is a happy baby! As long as you smile back and hand him any kind of toy that you haven’t paid money for at the kids store (I’m talking about small boxes, lip gloss, tissues but never his rattles and teddy bears), he is satisfied! Now lets be real, I don’t sit at a coffee shop for an hour and a half enjoying coffee while listening to the birds singing. Carter drops his toys on every 13 seconds and I have to hand them back with the speed of light unless I want him to yell at me. Literally. He screams at you, not cry, like you’ve done something wrong. Kinda like my mom used to. But I still do have about 25 to 40 minutes to enjoy that cup of coffee and catch up with a friend before he demands to be walked around or picked up. And that’s okay, because I got at least a little bit of time to enjoy and finish my cup of coffee!
7. Grocery shopping and a trip to the local farmers marker!
All these places are very close to my house, so it doesn’t take me half the day to do that.
I’ve never been the type of person that does groceries shopping that lasts for a couple weeks or a whole month. The few times I’ve done it, I bought food that I do eat regularly, but knowing that I have it and that I don’t have to go to the store for the next few days or a week, my stupid self craves something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! So that’s why I decide daily on what to make for lunch and dinner and go buy whatever it is that I am missing. I do eat salads every day, so I get my veggies and fruit daily from the farmers market. That includes one of Carters daily walks so YAY, 2 in 1!
8. Talk to Carters father.
When me and Andy separated, we agreed that he checks on Carter daily by texting or calling me. Since he lives in a different country than us, he would Face-time him on every 2-3 days since we are both busy + the time difference. Sometimes him and Carter end up seeing each other on Face-time every day, but even when not, me and him talk about him and how his day is going on a daily basis! There are a lot of couples that have separated and we both personally know people that have awful relationship with their ex, and the dads are not as involved. Andy can’t be present every day, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be a part of Carters life EVERY DAY! Now that P is almost 6 months old, he recognizes his dad and smiles when he sees him on the screen! He knows it’s not some weird tattooed guy about to drop a weird remix of “Wheels on the bus”, but it’s a person that he recognizes and enjoys talking to. It is important for both of us to talk daily because, even besides the fact that we made a decision to separate, that doesn’t change the fact that he misses his son and wants to be a part of his life every day. Now don’t get me wrong, me and Andy sometimes fight just like everybody else does. I am definitely not describing an ex lovers fairy tail on here. It gets hard and we get frustrated and sometimes say the wrong things that can be hurtful. But we want us to be as normal of a “family” for Carter, so we try to have a good relationship. So I make time for him every day.
9. See my niece!
As I mentioned before, my sister and my niece live next door. So during the day, I go and say Hi and steal a morning hug, and once my sister comes back from work, we have dinner together and spend some time with each other. She is the most energetic little thing I have ever seen and she can be a bit difficult to deal with at times. Sometimes she comes over just to hit me and tell me to never come over to her house again :).
She is three years old. Since Carter was born, she has been a bit jealous since she is not the only child anymore. But she loves me and him, A LOT! She helps me cut his nails, she brushes my hair and is a great cousin because she is very nice to him even when he pulls her hair. I love her very very much, so spending time with her on a daily is definitely a MUST for me!
10. Write in my journal and make a To-do list for the next day!
After reading all of these things and knowing what I do on a daily, plus a million other things, if I don’t make a list about the grocery store, or other errands (doctor, bank, etc.), or what needs to be done for my blog, I will never remember anything! You’re talking to a girl that threw away child support by mistake along with dirty diapers and spent hours looking for it! I have also left my phone in the fridge a couple times and walked around looking for my glasses while WEARING THEM! So yeah..as I lay in bed right before turning the lights off, I write down what needs to be done the next day and then I am done for the day.
I do a lot throughout the day! The way I survive is to have a good routine and a schedule and I also have help. You probably think my house is a mess and I have a separate room just for all my dirty laundry. As a single mom, you can’t do it all and that is to be expected. So instead of being frustrated about it and walking around the house with my eyes closed just to avoid the mess, I got someone to help me with a few things around the house. Not being able to do it all doesn’t make me any less of a superhero mom! That way, I have time to do all the things that I enjoy, take care of my needs as well and raise my boy without worrying about too many things.
My Quiet Spot
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