Being a mother means that you will be the very first teacher to your child. You are the one that is teaching them to walk, talk, how to eat and everything in general. They all have different learning mechanisms, but their first teacher always remains the same – one of the parents, mostly the mother.
To learn is a complex process. It goes in two directions. While teaching you can also learn a lot.
We are always quite aware of the things we are teaching our children, but what about the things we learn from them?
I know for sure that I am a changed person, now that I am mother. It happens almost instantly. When a baby is born, a mother is also born. The hormones change and alter your brain. You experience a whole new range of emotions. It is like we get upgraded, transformed in another version of ourselves. And the changing and evolving process continues. You keep growing as your child grows up.
I am not really convinced that we are giving our children only good and valuable knowledge. But I am as positive as one can be, that they are teaching us the best lessons one can learn.
Here are some of the valuable lessons my son has taught me:
1. To dress however I want and feel!
Whenever I tried to make my boy put on something he doesn’t like, it ended in a big fuss. Sometimes I get irritated and I raise my voice, so he screams and struggles to take it off and even throws some toddler punches in the air.
So, after several hysterical episodes, I decided to let him be. After all, maybe he is not feeling comfortable in the clothes I choose for him to wear. Maybe the colors or the print are not in accordance with his mood for that day. Maybe the material makes his skin itchy. He is a little boy, he can’t explain these things. He just keeps refusing to put the said clothes on.
One day he suddenly opened my wardrobe, took out a shirt and brought it under my nose: “Put this on mommy! I want you in red!” When all of my explanations were refused and pushed aside! I heard myself explaining to him “You don’t get to tell me what should I wear. That is my choice.” Exactly! That’s when I stopped choosing clothes for him. Now, when we are out shopping, he chooses his own clothes. And I am letting him wear whatever he wants. There is no dress code for childhood. I started to make it a practice for me, too. When I need to get ready and put clothes on, I just do it, even if it is for a walk to the park. What matters is that I feel good. So why not?
2. To never let go of the things I care about!
Anyone who has struggled with a toddler, trying to convince them to leave a certain toy and buy another one instead, knows what I am talking about. This means – every parent. How many times have you bought the damn toy in order to save everyone in the shop the horror scene that is to follow? Yeah, too many.
Another situation proving this, is when some other kid tries to grab your kid’s favorite toy. Oh my God, what a fight they put in! My boy never lets go! He screams and cries and keeps asking for help, but the toy is rarely out of his grab.
Being able to fight for your “toys” or believes, makes you a valuable person. Once people get to know you as a strong personality type, they kind of give in, and are at your service, trying to please you. Even when they don’t agree with you, they know that you are not someone to be played with. We should implement this childish behavior in our interacting with the world. Of course it should be modified in an adult version. Giving a good fight for the things or even the persons you love, shows that you value what you have.
3. Mindfulness – enjoying the moment!
Have you noticed how children get excited on every little detail they catch while being outside? They enjoy every moment to the fullest!
As adults, we tend to forget about our surroundings. At times we are so consumed with our worries that we get disconnected from the outside world, even the voices are fading away. We are missing so much of the beauty consisted in the everyday simplicity.
We got used to multitasking so much, that we are actually losing our focus on the present. Being there with a smartphone attached to your hand doesn’t mean that you are actually there. Our presence became virtual.
So, the next time, when your little one tries to show you that perfect butterfly, stop for a minute and just enjoy the moment of watching her fly. Admire her lightness and her beauty. Enjoy the marvelous admiration in your child’s eyes. It is contagious. The peace that comes with it, is also contagious.
4. Expressing your emotions to the fullest!
Crying is such a normal thing for children. We don’t judge them, we are not surprised when they suddenly burst in tears, we don’t think that they are weak or too emotional, we even find it healthy. Even the outburst of anger is considered to be a normal expression of emotion for a toddler. When they laugh out loud, like they usually do, with their little bodies trembling of joy, almost instantly we start to laugh too.
When was the last time when you saw an adult laughing out loud like crazy, and considered it funny or cute? I can’t even remember when was the last time I saw an adult laughing out loud. Not to mention crying.
We are not allowed to express the intensity of our emotions. It is considered childish, immature and even abnormal. That’s why we got used to suppress them deep down, till they come back as an illness or a depression.
The next time when the emotions overflow you, let them out, don’t hold back. Let your body tremble of laughter or sadness. You will be surprised by the amount of relief it comes with it.
5. To believe in your own magic!
Finally, one of the most important thing my son is teaching me every day is that I have some kind of magic inside of me. Whenever he is hurt, my kisses are healing his tender soul. I am able to chase his bad dreams away.
I know that this is only his way of seeing me, but still it is always good to remember that we are all special and we all have some powers.
Hidden and forgotten maybe, but they are still there.
Parenthood is a blessing, enabling us to take care and raise our little ones, making them as good as they can be in order to make the future and this world a better place to live in. It is also a reward, that gives us the opportunity to remember and re-learn the very purpose of being alive by just watching and paying attention to our babies.
Author: Daniela Miovska
My Quiet Spot
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